Favorite Quotes???

[bethie88]

I was going to do one of these for every character, but there are too many good conversations...

I love so many, but I'll start with one...

Rosco: You're beautiful, Boss, Just beautiful.
Boss: Beautiful? Real nice lookin' maybe. Not beautiful.
[Boss walks out]
Rosco: Ain't that the truth. He's a whole mess of ugly.

[bethie88]

I copied these from two other threads started for this... before I realized this was a better idea...

"Some days, ya just can't jam it into second.... Even if ya don't clutch it." ~Cooter

"Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain't dumb...any ya'll lost sheep out there on the Hazzard net come on?" ~Cooter

Cooter: What do you suppose ol' Burt Reynolds would do at a time like this?
Luke: I don't know. But I'm sure he'd be doing it with someone a whole lot prettier than you.
Cooter: If you can't make this thing go any faster do ya'll mind if I just jump out and run ahead?

"Give or take a few minutes cuz I ain't got no watch." ~Cooter

Cooter: (after seeing Rosco fall into wet cement) Thank you Lord for a perfect day!

"Ahhh! Ya'll done scared my dog....you want me just ta put a window up there so you can just climb right on threw?"~Cooter

Enos: Possum on a gumbush!

Enos: You wanna keep looking Sheriff or do you wanna go eat?
Rosco: Enos, just forget it okay? Forget it.
Enos: Okay Sheriff...This is Enos...forgetting it.

Cooter: I'd like to report a stolen car, it's a blue Plymouth...
Enos: We know what it looks like Cooter, we been chasin' the ding dang thing all day!

Rosco: Enos, why don't you go look at Daisy and lust in your heart?
Enos: Yes sir, sheriff! But I've been tryin' to taper off.
Enos: It's not that I don't trust you boys, but last time you hung me on the wall.

Enos: (Seeing Rosco hanging from a tree by his gunbelt) Gee Sherriff, you look like a poor little ol' sparrow with a hurt wing awwww.

Enos: I'm just following you Sheriff, isn't that what you said? Monkey see, monkey do.

Daisy: Does this mean you don't want my autograph Rosco?
Enos: I do Daisy!

(after counting all the moonshine jugs filled with water)
Enos - "Yep there's ten in each trunk"
Extra - "Are ya sure Enos?"
Enos - "Yes sir, I counted 20, then divide by 2"

[426GeneralLee]

(Bo see's the little kid spitting soda pop all over the inside rear window of the General)

Bo - "watchya doin there little fella"

Kid - "squirtin' flies"

Bo - "hahah, I hate kids"

[426GeneralLee]

Boss - "Enos, what are you scratchin' your head for, considerin', there ain't nothin' in it"

Good ol' Boss Hogg...always with the good quotes.

[426GeneralLee]

Rosco - "Just do it, you dipstick"

Cletus - " yeah well I hope you know that dipsticks are rich cause they live in oil"

[426GeneralLee]

Enos - "Come help me look for 'em sheriff"

Rosco - "I can't Enos......I can't swim"

[bethie88]

Rosco-I got my ears on, and my eyes peeled.
Boss- And your mouth runneth over.

Boss-Jacka--!
Rosco- That's Sheriff Jacka--."

Boss-That gave me quite a turn.
Rosco- Yeah, put a quiver in my liver, too.

Jesse- I've been shucked and jived into shuckin'...
Bo- and jivin'.

[DixieDavenport]

This is for Bethie88

From Limo One is Missing

Bo: -- Couldn't have been more than a gallon of gas in that can.
Luke : -- In a gallon can?

[bethie88]

Thank ya!

This here's for you...

Daisy: Luke's got that look in his eye again.
Bo: Right after he gets that look he goes, "[snaps finger] I got it! Let's go, Bo." And I get in trouble.
Luke: [snaps fingers] I got it! Let's go, Bo.

Luke: "All hope abandon, ye who enter here"? Where'd ya come up with that little piece of sunshine, Rosco?


Luke: I shoulda knowed better. I mean, Rosco can't even go night-night without Boss burps him.

Luke: You get the feelin' this just ain't our day?

Luke: Personally, I'd like to win that race on Saturday, so A. we need that Richard Petty car to B. get the parts to C. rebuild the General so he can D. and E. enter and win... F. ... [points at Bo]...am I gettin' through to you?

[after Bo drives thru the barn]
Bo: That sure was a funny place to put a barn.
Luke: You try a fool stunt like that again, and I'll find an even funnier place to put one.

[GeneralLee01]

what about in Limo one is missing

Luke- Bo you know why you get those hiccups is because you scarf food like its the begining of a 12 month famon.

Bo- Cute luke.

[426GeneralLee]

Cooter - "Well the Sheriff impounded my car, so..."

Luke - "..so you thought it only fair for you to take his"

[bethie88]

Daisy's Song...

Bo- What're we gonna do?
Luke- Uh...uh...run!

Bo-We'll use the old Stonewall Jackson tactic. When they think you're runnin' away, attack.
Luke- Yeah, but Stonewall Jackson had the whole Confederate army. I've got you.

Bo-What's the charge?
Rosco- The charge is cohortin' with known criminals.
Bp- Sheriff, you know the only known criminals we consort with is you.
Rosco- You got a nasty mouth on you, Duke boy.

And some others...

Balladeer- When Boss Hogg says somebody gets arrested, somebody's gonna get arrested. And Bo and Luke are prime candidates to be somebody.

[in episode, Mary Kaye's Baby. Mary Kaye grabs her stomach and groans]
Bo- If that ain't indigestion, we're in trouble.

Boss Hogg- Now, Ace, you listen, and listen good, because YOU are stupid.

Cooter: Just remember... the bigger they come... the harder they hit.

Rosco-Everybody sues for whiplash. It's the American way.

Bo-I ain't perfect. Just pretty.

Rosco-Enos, can't you count faster, like Boss? His little fat fingers just fly.

[426GeneralLee]

"High Octane"

Rosco - "ok you old coot where'd you hide it"

Jesse - "I don't know watch yer talkin about.....Rosco, if this car isn't put back exactly the way it was, I'm gonna sue the county!"

Rosco - "Uhje, you wouldn't"

Jesse - "Wouldn't I?"

Rosco - "Alright boys, put'er back the way she was"



Jesse - "Well, I'll just use this engine seein as that one's full-a water"

Boss - "Water!?"

[Jamanda]

Jesse: (being pulled out of the General Lee) ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GONNA TAKE THESE DANG DOORS OFF!!!!

Boss: Or you will be...
Rosco: The night rent-a-cop at the drive-in deli on Frontage Road.
Boss: Bingo.

Rosco: You owe me Boss.
Boss: Rosco...I done paid and overpaid any debt I ever had to you...
Rosco: When you married my fat sister.
Boss: When I married your fat sister!

Daisy: Well Enos, I guess you'll just have to call this one in. You disappointed?
Enos: I ain't ever disappointed to see you, Daisy. :D

[426GeneralLee]

Bo - "Cuz'n Alice.....isn't she the one who won the hog throwin' contest 3 years in a row"

I find that hilarious :)

[426GeneralLee]

Enos - "Who's William McKinley?"

Rosco - "His face is on every $50 bill dipstick"

Boss - "Every $500 bill jackass"

[426GeneralLee]

Rosco - "Goodnews Good--there's those Dukes. Alright! You Dukes you're all under arrest and this time I'm gonna...."

Boss - "Forget it"

Rosco - "Forget it. Forget it? Did you say forget it?"

Boss - "Yeah forget it"

Rosco - "but they were trespassin illegally"

Boss - "oh that's small potatoes"

[bethie88]

Daisy: Just to keep peace in the family, I'm takin' Mary Beth back to Springville.
Luke: Well, that means we can go boar huntin'.
Bo: Yeeehooo!
Daisy: That's Bo talk for "You bet."

[Jamanda]

Balladeer: It was a good plan. And it didn't work worth a pitcher of spit!

(after crashing into a pond)
Bo: Hey Enos!
Enos: I can't open my eyes. Tell me, what's out there? Little naked babies with harps and wings or little red guys with horns and pitchforks?
Luke: How about a lap full of pond water and tadpoles?

(Rosco standing on Enos's shoulders)
Enos: Can I say something Sherriff?
Rosco: Enos, hush!
Enos: Can I say something?
Rosco: Enos! Will you push?!
Enos: Can I please say something Sherriff?
Rosco: Enos, would you hush?!
(Enos drops Rosco)
Enos: That's what I was trying to tell you Sherriff. You're too heavy to keep sitting on my head like that!!

Rosco: Enos, how would you like me to throw your badge in the Choctaw river with you still pinned to it!?

Rosco: You got your ears on little buddy?
Boss: Rosco, I'll be your little buddy when possums make love to hound dogs!

Boss: And if you mess up, you'll be the dogcatcher.
Rosco: I'll catch your dog, you fat little meadowmuffin.

[426GeneralLee]

Rosco - "kew, kew, there's Boss Hogg out in the road. Look out Boss I'm gonna hitchya...oo, oo, I am gonna hitchya!"

[bethie88]

lol!

Luke: I didn't like that little giggle of Rosco's.
Bo: Didn't sound no different than usual to me. "Khee!" Just stupid.

[Jamanda]

Rosco: (Boss on his hood) Kew, you look like a little fat hood ornament...oooh, that musta smarted.

Bo: Hey, you gotta dollar.
Cooter: That's a five.
Bo: Well five'll do. We might need gas.

Rosco: They took my keys and your car! What'd you leave your keys in your car for?
Enos: You left 'em in yours, Sherriff.
Rosco: DON'T TRY TO BLAME ME!!!

Balladeer: When Daisy found out about her car, well, she took it in stride...(as Daisy chases Bo and Luke with a frying pan)

Balladeer: It was good plan. And it didn't work worth a pitcher of spit!

[426GeneralLee]

Rosco - "You know this is the first time I ever caught anything in this here creek, kew, kew" (as he catches Bo and Luke)

Waylon - "You know if it'd had been a month earlier, Rosco would-a had to throw 'em back.."

[Jamanda]

Lester Crabb: Enos. How would you like to go pinch Daisy Duke?
Enos: Pinch Daisy? I couldn't do that Sherriff. It wouldn't be polite, especially when I'm on duty.

Later...

Enos: Pinch Daisy? Well, maybe a little pinch wouldn't hurt.

Naughty naughty Enos!

Balladeer: You may have heard of Murphy's Law. Well in Hazzard, there's Enos's Law (Enos crashes into Cooter) in which if anything goes wrong, he's usually somewhere in the middle of it. But then their's Daisy's Law (Daisy chases bad guys in place of Cooter) which can usually be counted on to veto Enos's Law.

Bo: This guy Murphy, was he a race car driver?
Luke: Gotta be. Everybody talks about him.

Luke: I hope you like eggs
Bo: What do eggs have to do with anything?
(driving through a barn)
Luke: Where there's chickens...there's eggs.
Bo: That sure is a funny place to put a barn.
Luke: Pull that fool stunt again and I'll find a funnier place to put one.

[426GeneralLee]

Bo - "Well, we were just gonna borrow your car."

Daisy - "Un uh...I just waxed it"

Luke - C'mon Daisy, the General sticks out like a sore thumb"

Daisy - "Well ok, but there better not be ONE spec of dust on it when it comes back"


later.....Bo and Luke jump it off a cliff

[MaximRecoil]

These quotes may be a little (or a lot) off being from [old] memory and all, feel free to correct them (and/or add additional dialogue that I can't remember)

Bo or Luke: "We couldn't have been doing more than 25..."
Rosco: "That slow huh? Well I'll getcha fer IMPEDIN'!"

This next one has been one of my favorites for years. I laughed myself to tears the first time I saw/heard it. I think the code number that he ad-libbed for the made-up infraction was "603" but I'm not sure:

Rosco (after side-swiping a parked vehicle while chasing the Dukes) yelling to no one in particular: "YOU OUGHTN'T-A PARKED THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I'll give him a six-oh-three...prob'ly a DRUNK PARKER!!!"

Rosco: (while watching the General Lee driving up on two wheels) "How'd they do that? I could do that if I didn't want to scuff my hubcaps."

Rosco to Boss Hogg after a car crash in which Boss was eating an oversized sandwhich: "You done scuffed your sandwich beyond repair."

Rosco after a crash (he may have said this on more than one occasion): "That would have KILLED ten ordinary men."

[DukesFan24]

In Mary Kaye's Baby

Bo: If i was pregnant, i would be sick
Luke: Dont worry.

[MaryAnne]

This next one has been one of my favorites for years. I laughed myself to tears the first time I saw/heard it. I think the code number that he ad-libbed for the made-up infraction was "603" but I'm not sure:

Rosco (after side-swiping a parked vehicle while chasing the Dukes) yelling to no one in particular: "YOU OUGHTN'T-A PARKED THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I'll give him a six-oh-three...prob'ly a DRUNK PARKER!!!"





BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! One o' my favorites from the Sheriff too that has me laughin' my posteior off everytime I see/hear it. Another one is from The Meeting and is part of my signature below. After the chase around the square and Rosco comes back to the courthouse, he hits the curb when he stops the car. I can't remember the exact phrasin' at the moment so bear with me....

Boss: "ARGH! Rosco, you did it again!!"
Rosco: "I know. I suppose now they're gonna cancel my insurance?!"

Then Boss said something about not being able to hit something or other and Rosco comes back with the "WELL I HIT IT DIDN'T I??" ROFL

[Divia]

After Rosco crashes into a tree
Rosoco grumbles at his car: "Just like a woman. Never does anything I want." :lol:

I nearly fell off the chair when I heard that.

[bethie88]

So many good quotes!

[The Voice Man of Hazzard]

My favorite quotes are a bit random.

ONE ARMED BANDITS:

BO: Well me and Luke be glad to help out now wouldn't we Luke
LUKE: Nope
BO: Well what do you mean nope, it's your civic duty. WHy at least two of them kids in that orphanage could be yours.
LUKE: Bo's always braggin on me.

MARY KAYE'S BABY:

BO: Ha ha. He sure is good.
LUKE: Well you can tell him that. He's gonna catch us any minute the way you're pokin along.
BO: Well I's gonna let you take that bow and hit his tires but I'm afraid you' miss and hit ours.
LUKE: I sure wish there were some girls around here. Maybe you'd show off and drive faster!


GOLD FEVER:

LUKE: You can't talk horse sense to a jackass!


For the sake of good drama:
OPENING NIGHT AT THE BOAR'S NEST:
ROSCO: I think I've lost you little fat buddy. I think you're right I can't do anything right. It's just... You're the only one who's ever understood me I.. can't afford to lose ya.
BOSS: I'm the only one.

Cheers.
Will Rodgers
The Voice Man

[Officer Barbrady]

These are all hysterical!!

A few of mine, pretty much random:

(In "Luke's Love Story" when Rosco tries to quiet down the raucous Boar's Nest crowd to give the info on the obstacle derby)

Rosco: (quietly)"Now would everybody please hush? (bellowing) HUUUUUSH!!! (crowd quiets down) Hush now!"


(Rosco is doing a crossword puzzle while Boss looks over a map)

Rosco: "What's a five letter word for 'dunce?'"
Boss, not even looking at him: "R-o-s-c-o!"
Rosco: "Oh! (looks at puzzle) Kew...."


Jesse: "I'm beginning to think we took the wrong turn."
Cooter: "WE? You picked it Uncle Jesse."
Jesse: "Well, I'm UNpicking it! Turn this thing around!!"

Grady Byrd: "My sixth sense is telling me---"
Boss: "Grady, in order to have a sixth sense ya gotta have the other five, and you ain't got no sense at all!"


Rosco: "I'm gonna go down to the Eat-Rite and have a corn dog. Khee, I just love..."
(walks outside, only to come back in riding on Boss' wheelchair)


There's more where that came from, once I remember what eps they're in.

[bethie88]

The Cooter/Jesse one is awesome!

[lostsheep22]

I love it! Here are some more

Bo: Looks like we loss Rosco
Luke: Cousin we never loss him we just miss place him

Balladeer: It didn't work worth a pitcher of spit

Jesse: J.D. you gotta be 3 brick shy of a full load

Jesse: Didn't you hear the man say he didn't want anyone to know
Cooter: What did you tell me for

Rosco: Jumpin jehoshaphat!

[lostsheep22]

Oh one more

Luke: You wouldn't know fair and square with a ruler and scale

[lostsheep22]

Luke: Please tell me that's a fire truck behind us?

Bo: All right, that's a fire truck behind us, but Rosco's driving it

[BoDuke'sGirl]

Gee Gee Gee Gee! I love it! I love it!

[Moms lil' Daisy]

From My Son Bo Hogg

Boss: I'l' cover ya while you aprehend the suspect

Boss: Frrreeeeeeeeezzzee (pointing Rosco's gun at Bo who's unconcious):cry:

Rosco: Boss hes already froze.

[lostsheep22]

Luke: Bo you drive like my aunt fanny whips apple butter


Luke: You know Bo, you could lose your way on a race track


Bo: We got to change his mind
Luke: That'd be like reversing a buzzsaw

[Garrett Duke]

From "Repo Men"

*Luke driving the Rolls Royce with Cooter in the passenger seat*

Cooter: Hey Luke

Luke: What?

Cooter: If you can't make her go any faster, you mind if I get out and run ahead?

Luke: Funny


**

(same episode and same scene)

Cooter: What you think Ol' Burt Reynolds would be doing at a time like this?

Luke: Uh I don't know, but I'm sure he'd be doing it with someone a whole lot prettier than you

~Garrett Duke~

[lostsheep22]

Bo: Well everting all right when you called Starr up
Daisy: He was panting so hard my ear got wet.

Luke: (to Bo) I ever told you what a treat it is working with your keen mind

Luke: Whats the charge?
Rosco: Cohorting with known criminals
Bo: Sheriff, the only known criminals we consort with is you.

Rosco: Enos, This is sheriff Rosco, You got your ears on. Come on
Enos: Here I am, sheriff
Rosco:Are you still in hot pursuit, boy?
Enos: More like lukewarm, sheriff, I lost them
Rosco: You lost them. One thing about you, Enos, You're consistent

Boss: Nobody, Nobody welches on my word to Lulu. Except me.

Luke: If something can go wrong you can be double-damm sure it will. Thats murphy's law
Bo: This guy murphy, was he a race driver>
Luke: He must be, Everybody talks about him.

Rosco: Do you think I'm a hick sheriff? I can part your hair anytime

[Officer Barbrady]

Here's a few more good ones...

From "Jude Emery" after Cooter gives Daisy that fancy hot rod to chase after the General.

Cooter: (after reciting some fancy rhyme which I just forgot... :-? ) "Man, that's pretty obtuse."


From "Duke of Duke":

Gaylord: "Begging your pardon, but what is all this 'shucking and jiving' talk?"
LB: "Sure....them's just reprehensible words."


One of my all-time favorites is from "The Dukes Meet Cale Yarborough" when there's some free time in the sheriff's office...

Rosco: "You got a jack?"
Enos: "No sir....(grins) Go fish!"
Rosco: "Enos, you don't go fish in rummy, you dummy!"

[lostsheep22]

Rosco: If you two don't pound the bung in the cider barrel.

Cletus: Where's the dipstick?
Bo: You're under the hood.

Luke:You gonna tailgate him or you gonna catch him?
Bo: I just got here, I ain't made up my mind yet.

[inga]

"Good Neighbors Dukes" has one of my alltime favorite quotes,
because it sums up so many of the scenes over the years:


Bo talking on the CB to Cooter, Jesse, and Daisy:

"Luke's got a plan,
I'm not exactly sure what it is,
but I'm just gonna ride along for the fun of it,
smile a lot,
and let out a few yee-haws."


:lol:

[DukesFan24]

That was funny!

[lostsheep22]

Luke: I thought you were gonna so bodywork last night.
Bo: Well I did. We're just gonna have to work on the general tonight.


Bo: Luke, you aint even sane enough for me to call you crazy.
Luke: Me, Crazy? You're driving.


Luke: Hey Bo I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your eyes on the hotel instead of the girls walking by.
Bo: If I could do that I wouldn't be a Duke.

[Officer Barbrady]

Thought of a couple more!!

Rosco: "What a horrendous crash!"
(usually said whenever he done scuffed his vehicle)

Balladeer: (as Daisy's Roadrunner goes over the cliff) "I wonder what that'll do to the wax job?"

Jesse: "I'M NOT YOUR UNCLE JESSE!"
(often said to Cooter)

Cooter: "If they're keeping an eye on Daisy, who's keeping an eye on them?"
Jesse: "Who do you think? Come on!"
Cooter: (as Jesse walks off) "Who's going to keep an eye on us?

[lost_sheep3]

Cooter: "If they're keeping an eye on Daisy, who's keeping an eye on them?"
Jesse: "Who do you think? Come on!"
Cooter: (as Jesse walks off) "Who's going to keep an eye on us?

Officer Barbrady,

I don't remember this one, do you know which episode it's from?

Thanks!

LS3

[BoDuke'sGirl]

Roscoe: Enos, would you quit making those weird sounds and talk regular english

Luke: Do your mouth a favor and keep it shut

[DixieRose_00]

That quote I believe is from the season 2 episode Officer Daisy Duke where Daisy goes after them baddies and Bo and Luke follow her in the jeep and then Uncle Jesse and Cooter follow them

[CrazyVic]

In season 1, the lady from the show Home Improvement says to Rosco (paraphrase) 'I think we can trust them. Those Dukes are just a bunch of good ole country folk.'
Rosco says, 'I'm as country as grits-n-gravy and I can't be trusted... er if I was a Duke.'

Can somebody help me with this one? Boss says, 'Rosco I won ____ medals in ____ wars and nothing makes me more nervous then when you say ______. ' That one cracked me up but I can't remember it exactly.

Please help w/ this one too. Sherriff Little tears into Rosco bigtime calling him Coalbrain (wish I could remember the whole tirade- classic) to which Rosco responds, 'The name's Coltrane- there's no brain in it.'

Please help if you remember those quotes in their entirety. Thanks and what a great site. DOH is the greatest show of all-time and it's not even close.

[Sway4829]

In High Octane towards the beginning when the Dukes have just left Ms. Huntley's office and Rosco comes in and they're watching them talk down by the General and Bo and Luke had just bought some copper tubing and Rosco thinks it's for moon shining...

Ms. Huntley: It's probably for their pickup truck... or maybe their car.
Rosco: And maybe my Aunt Tilly had a sex change and is now my uncle...

[inga]

:D Welcome to Hazzarnet, Crazy Vic!

The first quote is of my favorites, also.
The lady is Carlene Watkins (who played one of Jill's sisters in Home Improvement) as the revenuer in High Octane.

The second is from One Armed Bandits. "I won me 3 medals in 2 wars and nothing makes me more nervous than when you get smug".

I don't remember the third one, but I can picture Rosco saying it :lol:

[lostsheep22]

This quote comes from the 1st reunion moive.

Luke: You ARE aware this road goes to Dry Creek?
Bo: I AM aware this road goes to Dry Creek.
Luke: You are aware there's no way to get OVER Dry Creek?
Bo: [Stepping down on the gas, grinning] I am aware there is ONE WAY to get over Dry Creek!
Luke: Oh, Lordy! We're gonna die!

[Officer Barbrady]

That quote I believe is from the season 2 episode Officer Daisy Duke where Daisy goes after them baddies and Bo and Luke follow her in the jeep and then Uncle Jesse and Cooter follow them

You are correct!! :D

Then of course everybody takes Swamp Road, which leads into my earlier Jesse/Cooter conversation.

Sway4829: your quote is classic Rosco!

[CrazyVic]

Thank you inga! I'm hoping to catch the 'Coalbrain' episode with Sheriff Little on CMT sometime soon.

Here is my very favorite quote from DOH, Uncle Jesse tells the other Dukes, 'A stranger is just a friend the Dukes haven't met yet.'

I haven't met everybody on this board, but you are all my friends just the same.

[lostsheep22]

Bo: I think I have died and gone to speed trap haven.

Cooter: You know that gal moves like……
Bo: Yeah, Yeah she got more curves then old Mt. Pearlin Rd. ain't she Cooter.
Cooter: That what I meant to say.

Balladeer: Well would you look at that. Bo and Luke spend so much time in a car I wasn’t sure if they could even walk much less run.

[auster]

I had once written down a bunch of my favorite quote, but, genius that I am, mostly didn't write down which episodes they're from. So, errr, see it is a guessing game or something ;)

+
Luke: "I think the General needs a gentle hand today."
Bo: "Yes. (pause) So you'll drive."
-- Welcome Back, Bo 'n' Luke

+
Bo: "Shall we do what General Grant did?"
Luke: "What did General Grant do?"
Bo: "Retreat."

+
Not exactly a quote from the show, but...
Luke: "I'm tired of you getting us into trouble and me having to think of a way out!"
John Schneider: "Whine, whine..."
-- One-Armed Bandits DVD commentary

+
Luke: "Give it up, Bo. I'd hate to have to run you off the road."
Bo: "You ain't running nobody off no road, cuz. First off: you gotta learn how to drive in order to do that."

+
Bo: "Luke, I told you not to go this way."
Luke: "How was I supposed to know the bridge was out?!"
Bo: "By that big, white sign that says 'Bridge Out'!"

+
The boys are being chased (again) by the law.
Luke: "It is Rosco!"
Bo: "You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man."

+
Rosco, upon seeing the Duke farm has been trashed: "What, did the termites stop holding hands?"

+
Jesse: "When You (Bo) was hungry, or wanted something, you used to scream like... like a baby!"
Bo: "Wait a minute! I was never--"
Luke: "Some things never change, do they?"
-- A Baby for the Dukes

+
Enos: "I've been thinking..."
Rosco: "That's your first mistake."
-- Boss Behind Bars

+
Bo: "He (Andy Slocum) ain't gonna change unless there's a week with two Sundays in it, Luke."
-- Big Brothers Duke

[auster]

I had once written down a bunch of my favorite quote, but, genius that I am, mostly didn't write down which episodes they're from. So, errr, see it is a guessing game or something ;)

+
Luke: "I think the General needs a gentle hand today."
Bo: "Yes. (pause) So you'll drive."
-- Welcome Back, Bo 'n' Luke

+
Bo: "Shall we do what General Grant did?"
Luke: "What did General Grant do?"
Bo: "Retreat."

+
Not exactly a quote from the show, but...
Luke: "I'm tired of you getting us into trouble and me having to think of a way out!"
John Schneider: "Whine, whine..."
-- One-Armed Bandits DVD commentary

+
Luke: "Give it up, Bo. I'd hate to have to run you off the road."
Bo: "You ain't running nobody off no road, cuz. First off: you gotta learn how to drive in order to do that."

+
Bo: "Luke, I told you not to go this way."
Luke: "How was I supposed to know the bridge was out?!"
Bo: "By that big, white sign that says 'Bridge Out'!"

+
The boys are being chased (again) by the law.
Luke: "It is Rosco!"
Bo: "You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man."

+
Rosco, upon seeing the Duke farm has been trashed: "What, did the termites stop holding hands?"

+
Jesse: "When You (Bo) was hungry, or wanted something, you used to scream like... like a baby!"
Bo: "Wait a minute! I was never--"
Luke: "Some things never change, do they?"
-- A Baby for the Dukes

+
Enos: "I've been thinking..."
Rosco: "That's your first mistake."
-- Boss Behind Bars

+
Bo: "He (Andy Slocum) ain't gonna change unless there's a week with two Sundays in it, Luke."
-- Big Brothers Duke

[lostsheep22]

Luke: Rosco, we’d like a word with you about Enos
Rosco: Oh, and what word would you like? Hockey puck. Butterfingers. Or just plain old dipstick.

Luke: Rosco we’d like to report an attempted burglary.
Rosco: who’d you burgle?
Daisy: Rosco!
Bo: We weren’t the burglars.

Luke: What are you doing?
Bo: Just taking a short cut.
Luke: I’m familiar with your short cuts, you’re going to drive the General to an early retirement.

Rosco: Boss, that ain’t silverware, the only ware there is underwear.

[lostsheep22]

Luke: Rosco, we’d like a word with you about Enos
Rosco: Oh, and what word would you like? Hockey puck. Butterfingers. Or just plain old dipstick.

Luke: Rosco we’d like to report an attempted burglary.
Rosco: who’d you burgle?
Daisy: Rosco!
Bo: We weren’t the burglars.

Luke: What are you doing?
Bo: Just taking a short cut.
Luke: I’m familiar with your short cuts, you’re going to drive the General to an early retirement.

Rosco: Boss, that ain’t silverware, the only ware there is underwear.

[Jamanda]

Cooter watches Boss and Rosco run out of the station and fall headfirst into wet cement.

Cooter: (looking up and taking off his hat) Thank you sir, for a perfect day.

[Jamanda]

Cooter watches Boss and Rosco run out of the station and fall headfirst into wet cement.

Cooter: (looking up and taking off his hat) Thank you sir, for a perfect day.

[bethie88]

Cletus: Where's the dipstick, Bo?
Bo: You're under the hood, Cletus.

[Officer Barbrady]

Here's some more quotes.

"Lawman of the Year"

Rosco, after a woman with a baby who just squirted Rosco with milk strolls away: "Ugly baby. Fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch."

Cletus after taking a spill in Cooter's cement patch: "I guess this cements our relationship."

"The Hazzardgate Tape."

One of my favorite lines comes from this one.

Rosco: "You call yourself a deputy? Ha. Know what I call you?"
Enos: "A dipstick?"
Rosco: "That's right!"

Rosco doesn't stop there...later on, after Enos busts down a closet door:
"Enos, if the government saw you like this, they'd classify you as a dumb-guided missile!"


From "Coy vs. Vance", when we're treated to yet another General/Police chase, only this time Rosco hits a porta-crapper with one of those poor road construction workers still doing his business inside.

Enos: "Sheriff, there's a toilet on your roof!"
Rosco: "Enos! Have you lost your kumquats? (hears a noise) Oh! Khee khee khee!"

(The look on Jimmie Best's face when he realizes the porta-crapper's on his roof is absolutely hysterically priceless.)



From "Too Many Roscos," when Jesse tells Boss about Rosco's "accident."

Jesse: "JD, I hate to tell you this, but we lost Rosco."
Boss: "So? I've lost him plenty of times!"



From "Cooter's Confession":

Jesse: "A stranger's just a person we ain't met yet."

[lostsheep22]

Bo: An all right fell, my shovel. Scratch any Hogg deep enough you're bound to find something rotten.

Luke: Much as I hate to bring it up, looks like you and me gotta talk to Daisy
Bo: um
Luke: Come On Bo
Bo: My name first, huh
Luke: Yeah you do it
Bo: Me do it? You’re older
Luke: Not much
Bo: Enough

Luke: Dang fuel pump, Every time we want to get somewhere in a hurry.
Bo: Well if you didn’t take so dang long to fix it in the first place, maybe we get there.
Luke: You could have help me you know
Bo: I could help you.
Luke: Let’s just hope we’re in time to stop Daisy from doing something foolish
Bo: I’d help you if I knew about mechanics, all I do is drive

Bo: Oh gosh, well what’s the plan?
Luke: Plan?
Bo: Yeah the plan you just told Uncle Jesse you had.
Luke: I ain’t got no plan. Are you crazy? I just didn’t want him to worry.
Bo: Oh Fine! You didn’t want him to worry, so you got me worrying twice as much. I don’t see how we’re going to get out of this mess and you’re making jokes.


Bo: Oh boy we really messed up this time. Rosco not only got them stolen credit card but. Shoot without a witness, people are gonna think we’re the crooks that stole them.
Luke: Anything else you wanna tell me that I don’t already know.


Jesse: What are you doing?
Luke: Welding the doors shut.
Jesse: What are you doing that for?
Luke: Well you weld the doors shut on a race car for safety sake.
Jesse: How do you get in?
Bo: Clime thru the windows.
Jesse: (patting is stomach) Well count me out.


(Boss comes out of his house in his night shirt and cap and see Rosco sleeping on the car)
Boss: Rosco!
Rosco: Oh Santa Claus is going to steal Boss…oh Boss its you.
Boss: Yeah its me
Rosco: Hi.

[bethie88]

Enos: [Talking about the robot Boss replaced Rosco with] I ain't gonna let him call me 'dipstick' sheriff.

[lostsheep22]

Rosco: Boss what a five letter word for dunce?
Boss: R O S C O
Rosco: That fits (as Rosco give Boss a mean look)

I just love this one.

[Iloveschnieder]

Two of my favorite Rosco lines are:

"There's a flaw in the slaw"
and
"Shame, shame, everyone knows your name."

[Iloveschnieder]

Here are some of my favorite lines from "Cletus Falls in Love"

Daisy to Bo after getting boxed in between Cletus and a farmers flatbed full of hay.
Daisy: "Cletus has us boxed in"
Bo: "Well this is down right embarassing."

Boss after talking to the new state probation officer on the phone:
"Son of a revenuer"

Boss to Rosco when trying to figure out how to frame the Dukes.
"Save your brains for a rainy day, Rosco"

Rosco after Boss came up with away to get the Dukes boys "out of his hair forever"
"Right out of your--hair. but you don't have to much."
(I always love it when Rosco takes a pot shot at Boss"

Waylon about Cletus being in love with Daisy:
"That boy was higher than a Georgia Pine."

Rosco to Flash just as he thinks he has the Dukes framed:
I know it's difficult, but try to look alive"
I love that one.

Boss to Rosco after a failed attempt to frame the Dukes
"Your about as useless as an umbrella to a -- duck."
Boss stressed the word duck.

Rosco to the Dukes in jail:
"Sleep tight and don't let the crawdads bite."

And finally Rosco to Flash as she is eating the check that Boss changed from $11 to $1,100:
"I order your teeth to pull over."

[Iloveschnieder]

I had a mini Dukes marathon today! Yeehaww
From Welcome Waylon Jennings

Rosco to Boss Hogg talking about what Boss is going to do with the mesuem.
"That proberly is one of the most generous selfish things you've ever done."

Waylon: "Doesn't that just blow your hat in the creek."

Luke to Bo as they drive past a tied up Waylon
Luke: "Is that who I think it is?"
Waylon: "Yes sir, them Duke boys is quick."
Bo: "Yeah, it's Waylon."

Waylon: "I only gave 'em one hat. That'd give 'em something to fight over."

Betty Jo (the insurance lady) to Luke at the supper table, talking about the missing empty truck.
Betty Jo: "Anybody ever tell you you had a very criminal mind?"
Bo: "Shoot, lady, your the first person ever noticed he had a mind at all."

Waylon after the real museum was stolen from under Enos's guard.
"The news traveled through the Hazard Hotline quicker than a room getting dark when the light was blown out."

Waylon: "If it weren't for bad luck, the Dukes wouldn't have any luck at all."

Bo to Luke while Luke is checking the General out for a transmitter.
Bo: "Find anything?"
Luke: "About 1,000 gum wrappers and 73 cents in change, and that's mine.'

Waylon during a final fight scene between Bo and Luke and the theives.
"Now I would have joined in but I didn't want to hurt my hand."

Waylon at the end of the episode.
"It's down right tuckering being in the middle of one of these Duke things."

From Daisy's Shot Gun Wedding
Daisy to Bo and Luke after they insite on driving her to the Boars Nest.
Daisy: "Bo, I ain't a child"
Bo: "Yeah, I can see that." I really like how he said that

This isn't a line, but I love the expression Luke has when Bo starts the bar fight by hitting Richard Moll's character. That expression said so much!

Rosco trying to break up the fight.
"Just cease and insist"
"sist and sis--stop it!"
"disist and--"

Daisy after the fight, back at home.
"I ain't in pigtails and braces any more fellas. In fact I never wore braces."

Luke to Daisy hugging after making up.
Luke: "Easy easy. Squeeze to hard."
Bo: "Heh he's older you know. ha ha"

Luke to Bo after flapping the shades while checking on Daisy.
Luke: "She's gonna kill me."
Bo: "Looks like something I'd have done." (and they looked good saying it in thier boxers and sleeping pants without shirts!)

Waylon after the Duke boys plowed through a fence.
"Them Dukes just can't resist a fence, can they?"

Jesse trying to get out of the General Lee after arriving to save Daisy
"Dad gum this car. It runs but you can't get out."

Waylon at the end as Flash comes running to rescue Rosco and Boss from the net. (I love seeing Flash run. Such a rare sight!)
"Flash chewed Boss and Rosco free. It took about two hours."

Waylon at the very end, and I totally agree with this.
"One thing aout a family, though/ they may get in the way sometimes, but when you really need 'em, nothing else works as good."
Amen to that Waylon!

[thegeneral]

Some of my favouriye quotes from TDoH are:


"Jus incase y'all are wonderin' what's goin' on, so am I" -Ballader

"Thats a big 10-4 little fat buddy" - Roscoe

"I'm awfully sory y'all but im gonna have to arrest ya" -Enos

"Can't we give them another chance to think of a better story" -Enos

[Julieduke]

This sounds like something that would've happened on the show but this happened to me at work and here it's.

I am the prep person at the McDonald's I work at and I was working with a Ice Cream Scoop and I noticed that the spring was sticking. Well, of course I had it filled with yogurt and and I finally get the spring but the scoop was pointed at me and I ended up wearing the yogurt.


True Story.

[BoJamesDuke]

A couple of my fave quotes are...

One Armed Bandits:

Jesse: Dumb Cooter? You was the one who lent your car to him. Next time you wanna lend your car to a fool like that, just run it over a cliff, save gas.


Boss: Rosco, I got me three medals in two wars and the only time I get scared is when you get smug.

Ghost of the General Lee

Bo: You know this is real funny. Of all the ghost stories I ever read, we’re supposed to be chasin’ them!

Luke: That’ll teach ya not to believe everythin’ ya hear.



Rosco: You seen it? You seen it too? The ghost of the General Lee? Come back.

Boss: O’course I seen it. And that car was no ghost. Them Duke Boys maybe dead but that car ain’t because cars don’t die!

Rosco: Well batteries do Boss why not cars?


I can't remember where the rest of these come from...

(Enos is chasing the Dukes)

Luke: Bo, do you like having a tail?

Bo: Do I look like a Possum? [Pause] Don’t answer that.



(At a warehouse. There is a guard in front of the door. Luke starts walking towards the door.)

Guard: (seeing Luke) Hey you!

Luke: Howdy.

Guard: What are you doing?

Luke: Well actually I’m looking for someone. (Bo jumps down off the roof and on top of the guard) Oh and here he is now!

Bo: (gets the guard off the floor)

Luke: This here’s my cousin Bo.

Bo: (knocks the guy out cold.)



Luke: It is Rosco!

Bo: You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man.



Bo: they're shootin at us!

Luke: course they are, what'd you expect em to do? throw darts?



Bo: It’s just a bugs bunny doll, who would shoot at a bugs bunny doll?

Luke: Elmer Fudd.



Waylon: When Daisy found out about her car, well, she took it in her stride (as Daisy chases Bo and Luke with a frying pan.)



Luke: Bo! You got the IQ of a turnip, a small one!


By-Line Daisy Duke

(Bo and Luke are in an orange truck, Jesse in the General behind them, Rosco and Boss coming at the truck from the front and Cletus from the back)

Jesse: You boys got any idea on how we’re gonna get outta this mess?

Luke: The only way I can see is do a little square dancing. I’ll do that calling.

(Bo gives him a puzzled look)

Jesse: Square Dancing?

Luke: Hold your partner close and tight, Do-si-do with all your might.

(Bo and Jesse laugh)

Jesse: And I’ll swing left, you swing right.

(And they do as the song says, at the last minute, Bo swerves right and Jesse swerves right, making the patrol cars collide.)



(In by-line Daisy Duke, Bo looks in the wing mirror and sees Daisy aiming at the tires of the truck)

Bo: Now if we can just figure out what the heck Daisy’s up to.

Bo: (Nervously) Uh Daisy don’t do that….Daisy! Daisy!

Waylon: You know it just dawned on me! Daisy don’t know whose drivin’!

Ok thats more than a couple but at least I kept you entertained for a few minutes...right?


[/u]

[deathangel_tori]

Those are some great quotes. A real good way to start the day. I really love the dart one.

[B.L. Davenport]

I read alot of great quotes on here one of my favorites which I think can be heard in more than one episode.

Rosco: Judas priest on a pony

[BoJamesDuke]

In fact, I have loads more quotes from Dukes, all stored in a word document. There are 12 pages and growing. :-) Keeps me entertained on a rainy day

[BoJamesDuke]

OK got a new one from The Rustlers

Luke: This here's Luke calin' Uncle Jesse, Daisy, Cooter....and any other elves out there in the forest..

Cracks me up lol

[bethie88]

Bo: [To Luke, who is helping Daisy jump off of a horse into the General] Careful! She's the only good lookin' cousin' I got.

[CrazyVic]

Here's one more:

Rosco- 'Now why didn't I think of that?'

Boss- 'Cuz, if you had half a brain, maybe you'd be the Boss and I'd be the Jackass Sheriff.'

[Cooter Davenport]

Here's a quote from "Coltrane Vs. Duke" that cracks me up every time:

Rosco: You're a quack.
Slick: I told you not to call me that!
Rosco: Quack, quack, quack.
Slick: That’s it! I'm leaving; I don't have to put up with this.
Boss: Will you two kiss and make up?
Rosco: No. I ain’t kissing a duck.

Rosco's hilarious :P

[deathangel_tori]

Here's one more:

Rosco- 'Now why didn't I think of that?'

Boss- 'Cuz, if you had half a brain, maybe you'd be the Boss and I'd be the Jackass Sheriff.'

heh well if all it takes to run hazzard is half a brain...

[TRPColtrane95]

I forget add my favorite from "SWAMP MOLLY"

Rosco: "blue fox, this Red Dog"

Enos: "Rosco, I got it,"

Rosco "blue fox, Enos, it Red Dog" you dipstick...
(like use private code)

what I remember for that.. and

that my favorite answer on walkie talkie thanks.. :wink: :)

[Cooter Davenport]

Cooter: It's a crazy town.
Balladeer: I've never noticed.

And another one which i watched today:

Balladeer: Ya know, night in Hazzard brings out a lot of strange critters...Even a Cletus.

[Kelly Davenport]

From Hughie Hogg Strikes Again

Hughie Hogg (as an old man): Boss Hogg, ya rascal, ya know how long it's been since I’ve bounced ya on my knees?

Rosco: Well, it must be at least fifty years, 'cause that's the last time Boss was thin enough to bounce on anyone’s knees. *laughs*

(I really love Rosco being a smart alec.)

[FreeLantz]

Boss Hogg to Rosco in one of the Coy/Vance episodes:

"Rosco... If they ever put a price on your head, take it. " :lol:

[sylvames]

My first post.

There are many quotes from DOH that I love. Here's a couple that I don't think were already mentioned.

From TROUBLE AT COOTER'S
BOSS: What did you crooks do with them furs?
LUKE: Reupholstered the General with them.


From CLETUS FALLS IN LOVE
ROSCO: What was that horrendous noise? (After Sheriff Little shoots off his gun in the jail)

SHERIFF LITTLE: Coltraine! (He says it to get Rosco to stop talking)

[seraphsaiyan]

Ya'lls quotes just crack me right up! Can someone tell me, though, what episode is that has the quote:

Luke: It is Rosco!

Bo: You mean it was Rosco. Wave goodbye to the nice man.

I'm dying to watch that episode again. Thanks

[Bill-Duke]

Waylon: Explaining ANYTHING to Rosco is NEVER easy, but this time the Boss seems to be getting through.


Boss to Rosco: And don't ask me what kind of fuels fossils run off of.

Rosco: Flash, I order your teeth to pull over!

Waylon: Jaywalking is dangerous anywhere, but that boy is from out of town.

Cooter: Watch your fingers and watch your toes.(He would usually say this when lifting or letting down a towed vehicle)


Jesse to boys: Next time you wanna loan your to a fool like that, just run it over a cliff-save gas. He is referring to Luke loaning his car to "dumb" Cooter.

Rosco: This is your superior officer RosCO P Coltrane!

Bo and Luke: Is this guy Murphy(referring to Murphy's Law) a race car driver?
He must be-everyone talks about him.

[traintownofcowee]

Just read my signature below. Self explanitory.....;)