Brian Coltrane
09-23-2004, 03:01 AM
*In the interest of sharing Hazzard government in action, we thought we'd show ya just how HazzardNet moderators deal with daily issues. We now take you to one such meeting of the local think tank, which at this moment, is discussing the crisis of the day....*
BrianColtrane: Awright, who tripped over the cord this time?
MaryAColtrane: It wasn't me! We were hit by a random act of stupidity. Some moron hacked the forums.
Brian Coltrane: For what?! The stories in the Round Robin section weren't that bad, were they? What would make somebody target this place? We're just a buncha good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm, n' all that.
MaryAColtrane: I think it was our selections for casting for the big screen movie. The dude must not be a Jessica Simpson fan. The topic originally was deleted at the time I discovered the hacking.
Brian Coltrane: Gah! So were the victim of a hellacious critic?!
MaryAColtrane: Either that or he didn't like that we had some Yankees on our board.
Brian Coltrane: Or maybe Britney Spears is behind this. She wanted that role reaaaaal bad.
MaryAColtrane: Bad enough to deface a small town board like us? Nah....not her style.
Brian Coltrane: Maybe we've been marked for destruction for havin' sympathies for both Yankees and Jessica Simpson. I dunno. At any rate, looks like we're about 90 percent recovered.
MaryAColtrane: Yep. The Commander is going to try to see if she can restore the posts from after 9/15 later on. Of course, I went in and posted an announcement explainin' the hacking and that we were working on things so that might make things difficult in the restore process. Figures somebody smashes out the front porch, and before the paint's dry on the rebuild, I go and sit on the steps. *rolls eyes*
Brian Coltrane: You mean, if we can't restore from 09/15 forward, it's onconna you had to go n' post before that was all fixed?
MaryAColtrane: Possibly.
Brian Coltrane: What about the backup the Commander did recently?
MaryAColtrane: Uhh.....well, she couldn't exactly find it....
Brian Coltrane: How do ya lose somethin' like that? *gestures expansively to the storage space in the Hazzard County booking room* I mean, wouldn't a reasonable person kinda label it...
MaryAColtrane: Sure. But it depends what folder of what drawer of what filing cabinet ya put it in. We kept telling Cletus to stop marking everything "miscellaneous."
Brian Coltrane: *bonks head on desk a few times* Argh! Rgh! @#$%! *looks up, exasperated* How long we been in business here? Seven years?
MaryAColtrane: *nods* Approximately, yep.
Brian Coltrane: You'd think we'd have a county emergency plan thang sorted out by now. Whose job is that?
MaryAColtrane: *thinks for a moment* Ummm.... *shakes head* We ain't got anybody for that.
Brian Coltrane: Oh, Lordy. *rests elbows on booking desk, leans head into hands* So it's kinda like how we handle policy and rules? Make it up when we need it?
MaryAColtrane: Yep. Pretty much. *nods and then adds inocently* Seems to be working so far!
Brian Coltrane: *lifts head from hands* Can't argue that. So tell me somethin', esteemed peer and cousin. All those times you tripped over the cord and pulled HazzardNet off the map....were those just fire drills??
MaryAColtrane: *nods* Yeah, pretty much. But they were accidental. I sure learned a hell of a lot from those drills tho', lemme tell ya!
Brian Coltrane: Accidental fire drills. *pauses* Ya know, why would any hacker hit HazzardNet, when we're quite capable of crashin' the roof down on our own?
MaryAColtrane: Exactly! Maybe we oughta put a sign up. "Hackers Beware: We have no problem screwing this place up ourselves, thank you very much. Just keep movin' along..."
Brian Coltrane: *grins* That's the truth, right there. *reaches over, shuffles through some mail* Ya know, a lot of folks wrote us about the problem today. If we keep the forums locked down for too much longer, you'll have a mutiny goin' on.
MaryAColtrane: Well, that's true. But I think the citizen's will understand that we're still conducting some maintenance and that we're still waiting for some paint to dry. *grins* Still I think I'll adjust the sign at the front door explaining that the forums are down. *pauses* Just as I've already put a sign up saying we've restored some of it and for folks to email if there's any problems. Sheesh. I better change it before we start getting mail from folks saying they can't get in. Be right back... *stands up, leaves booking room*
Brian Coltrane: *chuckles to self, and calls out* Too late, I've already got mail sayin' they can't get in. But you go ahead and change the sign.
MaryAColtrane: *hearty laughter is heard down the hall*
MaryAColtrane: *returns to the booking room* There. I hope folks realize just who's running this place. Then they'll understand the level of chaos 'round here. KHEE!
Brian Coltrane: *snorts* Who is runnin' this place, 'zactly?
MaryAColtrane: Good question! BAHAHAHAHA!
Brian Coltrane: Then I nominate you. *slaps hand down on desk* Be it so noted in the official, officious logs of HazzardNet that you are now personally responsible for everything that goes wrong.
MaryAColtrane: *chuckles* Fair 'nuff, as I usually am personally responsible for everything that goes wrong 'round here. *pauses* Most other folks in my position I think woulda been fired by now.
Brian Coltrane: *raises eyebrow* True. Maybe you should be fired for not protectin' us against this hacker. Weren't you supposta be on patrol?
MaryAColtrane: At 2 o'clock in the morning? No.
Brian Coltrane: Oh, that woulda been my shift, then......*stops* Uh oh.
MaryAColtrane: Hmmm....yeah that woulda been your shift. Looks like we both oughta be fired.
Brian Coltrane: Gah. Yer right. Well....*takes a breath* I guess I have to fire you, and then you have to fire me.
MaryAColtrane: Wait a minute, we can't fire each other. That doesn't leave anybody for the Commander to fire. And it doesn't leave anybody to be personally responsible for everything that goes wrong 'round here. And it doesn't leave you to that thang you do. *grins* I move that we recognize that we mucked up, the situation is under control and that we should adjourn and go to the Boar's Nest. All those in favor say "Aye!" *raises hand* Aye!
Brian Coltrane: Nay. *keeps hand down* The Commander can fire herself. And besides, we really outta make an example here. Maybe we flip a coin, and only one of us gets fired?
MaryAColtrane: *raises eyebrow* Are you tryin' to find a way out of this gig?
Brian Coltrane: What?! Of course not. Why, you gonna cheat and use a two-headed quarter?
MaryAColtrane: I can't afford to use a quarter. I'd have to use a wooden nickle.
Brian Coltrane: *blinks* Man, you can't afford to lose yer job. Maybe I should ree-sign...take the blame...be the scapegoat. *stands up, puts an arm back over eyes, dramatically*
MaryAColtrane: You are tryin' to get out of this gig!
Brian Coltrane: *takes arm down from eyes* Hey, I'm tryin' to make a noble and selfless gesture here. Somebody's gotta be held accountable for this. *suddenly gets an idea, snaps fingers* I got it!
MaryAColtrane: What?
Brian Coltrane: Fire me, then hire me back. *grins*
MaryAColtrane: *laughs* Awright, that oughta cover it. *stands up from table* Brian Coltrane, you're fired!
Brian Coltrane: *winces* Gah!
MaryAColtrane: *looks at watch, waits exactly one minute.*
Congratulations, Brian. Yer hired!!
Brian Coltrane: Thank ya! *reaches out, shakes hand*
MaryAColtrane: *grins, shakes hand* Oh no, thank you. You're going to be a tremendous asset to this humble little website. Khee!
Brian Coltrane: *snorts* That's one way of puttin' it. *releases handshake, then takes pen and scratches a note into the logs* There. Nobody can say we don't take disciplinary measures around here. Now then...you said somethin' about the Boar's Nest?
MaryAColtrane: *smiles* I did. Shall we adjourn for a cold one of our choice?
Brian Coltrane: I'd say this meetin' is concluded. *puts pen away, flips notebook shut* Ya know, maybe we should have our moderatin' meetin's at the Boar's Nest. Save some time. *grins, walks towards the door*
MaryAColtrane: *chuckles and follows to the door* I'll vote in favor of that. Khee!
*the two moderators exit the booking room and the doors quietly shut behind them.*
BrianColtrane: Awright, who tripped over the cord this time?
MaryAColtrane: It wasn't me! We were hit by a random act of stupidity. Some moron hacked the forums.
Brian Coltrane: For what?! The stories in the Round Robin section weren't that bad, were they? What would make somebody target this place? We're just a buncha good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm, n' all that.
MaryAColtrane: I think it was our selections for casting for the big screen movie. The dude must not be a Jessica Simpson fan. The topic originally was deleted at the time I discovered the hacking.
Brian Coltrane: Gah! So were the victim of a hellacious critic?!
MaryAColtrane: Either that or he didn't like that we had some Yankees on our board.
Brian Coltrane: Or maybe Britney Spears is behind this. She wanted that role reaaaaal bad.
MaryAColtrane: Bad enough to deface a small town board like us? Nah....not her style.
Brian Coltrane: Maybe we've been marked for destruction for havin' sympathies for both Yankees and Jessica Simpson. I dunno. At any rate, looks like we're about 90 percent recovered.
MaryAColtrane: Yep. The Commander is going to try to see if she can restore the posts from after 9/15 later on. Of course, I went in and posted an announcement explainin' the hacking and that we were working on things so that might make things difficult in the restore process. Figures somebody smashes out the front porch, and before the paint's dry on the rebuild, I go and sit on the steps. *rolls eyes*
Brian Coltrane: You mean, if we can't restore from 09/15 forward, it's onconna you had to go n' post before that was all fixed?
MaryAColtrane: Possibly.
Brian Coltrane: What about the backup the Commander did recently?
MaryAColtrane: Uhh.....well, she couldn't exactly find it....
Brian Coltrane: How do ya lose somethin' like that? *gestures expansively to the storage space in the Hazzard County booking room* I mean, wouldn't a reasonable person kinda label it...
MaryAColtrane: Sure. But it depends what folder of what drawer of what filing cabinet ya put it in. We kept telling Cletus to stop marking everything "miscellaneous."
Brian Coltrane: *bonks head on desk a few times* Argh! Rgh! @#$%! *looks up, exasperated* How long we been in business here? Seven years?
MaryAColtrane: *nods* Approximately, yep.
Brian Coltrane: You'd think we'd have a county emergency plan thang sorted out by now. Whose job is that?
MaryAColtrane: *thinks for a moment* Ummm.... *shakes head* We ain't got anybody for that.
Brian Coltrane: Oh, Lordy. *rests elbows on booking desk, leans head into hands* So it's kinda like how we handle policy and rules? Make it up when we need it?
MaryAColtrane: Yep. Pretty much. *nods and then adds inocently* Seems to be working so far!
Brian Coltrane: *lifts head from hands* Can't argue that. So tell me somethin', esteemed peer and cousin. All those times you tripped over the cord and pulled HazzardNet off the map....were those just fire drills??
MaryAColtrane: *nods* Yeah, pretty much. But they were accidental. I sure learned a hell of a lot from those drills tho', lemme tell ya!
Brian Coltrane: Accidental fire drills. *pauses* Ya know, why would any hacker hit HazzardNet, when we're quite capable of crashin' the roof down on our own?
MaryAColtrane: Exactly! Maybe we oughta put a sign up. "Hackers Beware: We have no problem screwing this place up ourselves, thank you very much. Just keep movin' along..."
Brian Coltrane: *grins* That's the truth, right there. *reaches over, shuffles through some mail* Ya know, a lot of folks wrote us about the problem today. If we keep the forums locked down for too much longer, you'll have a mutiny goin' on.
MaryAColtrane: Well, that's true. But I think the citizen's will understand that we're still conducting some maintenance and that we're still waiting for some paint to dry. *grins* Still I think I'll adjust the sign at the front door explaining that the forums are down. *pauses* Just as I've already put a sign up saying we've restored some of it and for folks to email if there's any problems. Sheesh. I better change it before we start getting mail from folks saying they can't get in. Be right back... *stands up, leaves booking room*
Brian Coltrane: *chuckles to self, and calls out* Too late, I've already got mail sayin' they can't get in. But you go ahead and change the sign.
MaryAColtrane: *hearty laughter is heard down the hall*
MaryAColtrane: *returns to the booking room* There. I hope folks realize just who's running this place. Then they'll understand the level of chaos 'round here. KHEE!
Brian Coltrane: *snorts* Who is runnin' this place, 'zactly?
MaryAColtrane: Good question! BAHAHAHAHA!
Brian Coltrane: Then I nominate you. *slaps hand down on desk* Be it so noted in the official, officious logs of HazzardNet that you are now personally responsible for everything that goes wrong.
MaryAColtrane: *chuckles* Fair 'nuff, as I usually am personally responsible for everything that goes wrong 'round here. *pauses* Most other folks in my position I think woulda been fired by now.
Brian Coltrane: *raises eyebrow* True. Maybe you should be fired for not protectin' us against this hacker. Weren't you supposta be on patrol?
MaryAColtrane: At 2 o'clock in the morning? No.
Brian Coltrane: Oh, that woulda been my shift, then......*stops* Uh oh.
MaryAColtrane: Hmmm....yeah that woulda been your shift. Looks like we both oughta be fired.
Brian Coltrane: Gah. Yer right. Well....*takes a breath* I guess I have to fire you, and then you have to fire me.
MaryAColtrane: Wait a minute, we can't fire each other. That doesn't leave anybody for the Commander to fire. And it doesn't leave anybody to be personally responsible for everything that goes wrong 'round here. And it doesn't leave you to that thang you do. *grins* I move that we recognize that we mucked up, the situation is under control and that we should adjourn and go to the Boar's Nest. All those in favor say "Aye!" *raises hand* Aye!
Brian Coltrane: Nay. *keeps hand down* The Commander can fire herself. And besides, we really outta make an example here. Maybe we flip a coin, and only one of us gets fired?
MaryAColtrane: *raises eyebrow* Are you tryin' to find a way out of this gig?
Brian Coltrane: What?! Of course not. Why, you gonna cheat and use a two-headed quarter?
MaryAColtrane: I can't afford to use a quarter. I'd have to use a wooden nickle.
Brian Coltrane: *blinks* Man, you can't afford to lose yer job. Maybe I should ree-sign...take the blame...be the scapegoat. *stands up, puts an arm back over eyes, dramatically*
MaryAColtrane: You are tryin' to get out of this gig!
Brian Coltrane: *takes arm down from eyes* Hey, I'm tryin' to make a noble and selfless gesture here. Somebody's gotta be held accountable for this. *suddenly gets an idea, snaps fingers* I got it!
MaryAColtrane: What?
Brian Coltrane: Fire me, then hire me back. *grins*
MaryAColtrane: *laughs* Awright, that oughta cover it. *stands up from table* Brian Coltrane, you're fired!
Brian Coltrane: *winces* Gah!
MaryAColtrane: *looks at watch, waits exactly one minute.*
Congratulations, Brian. Yer hired!!
Brian Coltrane: Thank ya! *reaches out, shakes hand*
MaryAColtrane: *grins, shakes hand* Oh no, thank you. You're going to be a tremendous asset to this humble little website. Khee!
Brian Coltrane: *snorts* That's one way of puttin' it. *releases handshake, then takes pen and scratches a note into the logs* There. Nobody can say we don't take disciplinary measures around here. Now then...you said somethin' about the Boar's Nest?
MaryAColtrane: *smiles* I did. Shall we adjourn for a cold one of our choice?
Brian Coltrane: I'd say this meetin' is concluded. *puts pen away, flips notebook shut* Ya know, maybe we should have our moderatin' meetin's at the Boar's Nest. Save some time. *grins, walks towards the door*
MaryAColtrane: *chuckles and follows to the door* I'll vote in favor of that. Khee!
*the two moderators exit the booking room and the doors quietly shut behind them.*